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Jewish humor
An elderly Jewish man in Miami calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer, the old man says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Miami immediately, and screams at the old man,
"You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.

Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone, too, and turns to his wife.
"Okay," he says, "they're coming for Passover. Now what do we tell them for Rosh Hashanah?"

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The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that "Won Ton" spelled backwards is "Not Now".

There's a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.

Q: Why Jewish mothers don't drink:
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American Princess horror movie?
A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes". Q: Hear about the enterprising rabbi that's offering circumcision via the Internet?
A: The service is called E-MOIL.

Q: Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.

Q: What's a Jewish American Princess' favorite position?
A: Facing Bloomingdale's
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When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that her check came back, she replied, "So did my arthritis."
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A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play. "Wonderful. What part is it?" The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
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Q - Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A - Under the vacuum cleaner.

Q - How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - (Sigh) Don't bother, I'll sit in the dark. I shouldn't be a nuisance to anybody.

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said, 'Lady, I haven't eaten in three days.'"Force yourself," she replied.

Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

These announcements were found in shul newsletters and bulletins. Even spell check wouldn't have helped!...

Don't let worry kill you. Let your synagogue help.

Join us for our Oneg after services. Prayer and medication to follow.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

We are pleased to announce the birth of David Weiss, the sin of Rabbi and Mrs. Abe Weiss.

Thursday at 5:00PM, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All women wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the rabbi in his private study.

The ladies of Haddassah have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the basement on Tuesdays.

A bean supper will be held Wed. even. in the community center. Music will follow.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the JCC. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

The 1997 Regional Council Meeting will be held on August 20. Rabbi is on vacation. Massages can be given to his secretary.

Mrs. Glodblum will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

The Men's Club is warmly invited to the Oneg hosted by Hadassah. Refreshments will be served for a nominal feel.

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Rob, who are preparing for the girth of their first child.

We are taking up a collection to defray the cost of the new carpet in the sanctuary. All those wishing to do something on the carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.

If you enjoy sinning, the choir is looking for you!

The Associate Rabbi unveiled the synagogue's new fundraising campaign slogan this week: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

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This page was updated 10/06/00